


I Am Distorted

by Anonymous_Cupcake



Series: Whumptober (Eiji Edition) [12]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Animal Death, Cats, Description of Animal Violence, Eiji's homelife was not nice, Hallucinations, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Okumura Eiji-centric, Somewhat dark Okumura Eiji, Symbolism, Well one cat, Whumptober 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:42:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27043684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous_Cupcake/pseuds/Anonymous_Cupcake
Summary: Prompt 16 (Hallucinations)You're a bad person, Ei-chan.---It's following him. It won't leave him alone. Why won't it leave?It meows in pain as it limps towards Eiji, struggling to catch up. Does it not realize Eiji isn't interested? Or is it taking joy in following him? Even in the busy city streets, it still follows.Why?Why now?
Relationships: Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji, Okumura Eiji/Original Male Character(s)
Series: Whumptober (Eiji Edition) [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1947514
Comments: 8
Kudos: 46





	I Am Distorted

**Author's Note:**

> As of posting this I'm missing prompts 12-15 but they're almost done! Did something a little different with this one and I hope I've done it justice. This was heavily inspired by  
> [radio.Signal](https://via01.itch.io/radiosignal) and a little bit of [kikuo's song substitute](https://youtu.be/kx9hwaOGAFo)  
> (Special thanks to my boyfriend who read it over and proceeded to write an entire essay trying to figure out the symbolism)

It's following him. It won't leave him alone. Why won't it leave?

It meows in pain as it limps towards Eiji, struggling to catch up. Does it not realize Eiji isn't interested? Or is it taking joy in following him? Even in the busy city streets, it still follows.

Why?

Why now?

Eiji keeps walking. He's supposed to meet Ash at the library. It follows, getting close enough to nudge Eiji's leg. He kicks the air behind him, firm, yet gentle to avoid suspicion.

Not like anyone in the city cares.

The crosswalk is dangerous. Having to stop for the light means it has time to catch up. The light refuses to change, and Eiji can hear its meows grow louder and louder until it nuzzles against his leg again.

The light flashes green. Eiji sprints across, ignoring the honks from a car that tried to speed past. Once he makes it to the steps, he's safe. It won’t follow him onto sacred ground. It won't dare face a bigger and stronger cat.

No matter how much distance he puts between it, it manages to keep up with the brutal pace. Eiji's out of breath, exhausted from the walk. He pushes forward, ignoring the searing pain in his own leg as it reminds him of his failure with each step.

He can't go to the library like this. He dips into an alleyway, briefly forgetting the horrors lurking within. The area was somewhat safe, but gang violence was the least of his worries. Once far enough in, away from watchful eyes, he turns around to face it.

The First Sin.

A pathetic, limping, ugly mess hardly resembling a cat blocks his way. It meows softly as it sits, finally getting its chance to rest. Its tail was bent awkwardly and the fur and skin around its face was gone, revealing the bones that make up its skull. The top of its head was caved in, a reminder of what had been done to it.

It makes Eiji sick.

"Why are you here?" he whispers, eyes watering as he thinks about how much time has passed and how worried Ash must be. The Sin doesn't speak. It looks him in the eyes, fear and anger present in its cold and dark eyes.

"Why are you here?!" Eiji screams, too far in the alley for anyone to hear his screams. "Why?!"

The Sin stares at him, tilting its head with curiosity. It's mocking him, Eiji knows.

His First Sin happened in an alleyway like the one he was in. The moon illuminated his path, leading him to the cat trapped under the trash. It had been calling out desperately for someone to find it. And what did Eiji do for the small, defenseless creature that had risked being found in order to be saved?

One sickening crunch later and Eiji was trying to scrape blood off his shoe.

Eiji remembers that night perfectly, but for all the wrong reasons. He ran into the darkness to escape from Him. Eiji always knew the apartment complex was shady. What happened was his fault, for not boarding up the wall despite the cost, for not telling the landlord the sounds he'd hear from the apartment next door, for not following up with his threat of taking a knife and cutting His throat the next time He tried to get into his bed. Knowing his family wouldn't take him back after moving out so abruptly, Eiji ran. He ran until he couldn't run anymore.

He stopped in front of that alley. He heard the meow. He followed the sound, saw the cat trapped and begging for help. Did it remind him of how helpless he felt? Did he think the world was mocking him by showing him that image?

Whatever it was he thought that night, it wasn't guilt. Not until years later, when the repressed memory fought its way into his mind.

He lost his chance at Nationals because of that.

What is he supposed to do to get it to leave?

The Sin stares at him like he's supposed to know the answer. His phone is vibrating in his back pocket. He's not sure how long it's been doing that.

"Leave." Eiji whispers, quiet and firm. The Sin meows and refuses to obey. It's in his way. His phone stops buzzing only to resume shortly afterwards.

"Why are you here?" Eiji asks again, but there's no answer. Gathering his courage, he steps closer. It stands its ground, not moving an inch. Eiji gets closer, and closer, until he's a few inches away from it. All he has to do is walk past it.

_ Apologize _ .

He's not sure where that came from. Apologize? For what? Why should he have to apologize?

_ Apologize _ .

The persistent voice repeats the word, ingraining it into Eiji's mind. He focuses on the Sin, whose mouth curls into an uncanny smile. Why? Why demand an apology now? There's too many questions Eiji doesn't have the answers to.

_ Apologize _ .

"No." Eiji decides, and the Sin almost looks appalled. He's apologized too much for things out of his control. He's done. He's  _ done _ .

"I'm not sorry." Eiji tells the Sin, yet the words don't feel right. He repeats it, again and again, until the words lose their meaning.

The Sin loses its smile, and it almost looks disappointed in him. It gets up, bones cracking with each movement, and limps away. No way it could be that simple. Eiji watches it disappear into the crowd, waiting to see if it's truly gone. There's no sign of it in the streets.

He did it. He finally did it.

He grabs his phone. Nearly twenty missed calls from Ash. He calls before Ash can try again. He picks up after the first ring.

"There you are! Jesus, I was about to go look for you." Ash sighs, exasperated, before his voice shifts to concern. "Were Arthur's guys holding you up?"

It takes some time for Eiji to find his voice. "No. Just thought I saw something."

He can almost see Ash raising an eyebrow at that. "Hope you didn't get lost,  _ onii-chan _ ." Ash teases. The word sends a shiver down Eiji's spine, but it's not as bad as it would've been if he was only a few years younger.

"I'm sorry I worried you. I'll be there soon." Eiji hangs up, finally leaving the alleyway. The Sin doesn't appear for the rest of the walk.

He makes it to Ash, and he smiles wide and forces his eyes to sparkle. The Sin will not ruin his good day with Ash. Everything is better now.

Everything is better now, isn't it?

**Author's Note:**

> Speaking of other prompts, what is everyone's opinion of 2nd POV fics? I've been experimenting with it for prompt 12 but I'd like to know what everyone thinks of it.
> 
> Edit: I got a discord for people who want updates about my work or if you just want to chat about Banana Fish  
> https://discord.gg/SfWtu25bbH


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